If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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