I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
