any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did you pee in the oven last night??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
