Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
