I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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