So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
