Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
