Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
