I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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