Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
