You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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