You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
