I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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