doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
