The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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