trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize