youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
