The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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