Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
