Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
