I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
