She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
