I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
