He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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