Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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