I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
