Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
