i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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