at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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