She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
my liver is dry heaving
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
