...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
