I'm so fucking centered right now
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
