i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
