I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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