Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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