my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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