Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
