he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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