I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
