I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
