Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
