Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm eating all of the evidence.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
