Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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