I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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