there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How external is "for external use only"?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
