Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
sarcasm needs its own font
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
