I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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