i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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