and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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