I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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