I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
