i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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