I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize