My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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