you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
