her vagine was all disorganized.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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