So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
