You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
