Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
