haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
