Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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