hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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