Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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