You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
