Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
