I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
